Cleo Bachelor of the year 2010

Today the 50 finalists of the 'Cleo Bachelor of the Year 2010' were announced. Let's take a look at them shall we?

Bachelor #1: Curtis Stone, age 34. Chef on 'Oprah' and 'Surfing the menu'.

Bachelor #2: Firass Dirani, age 26. Actor, Underbelly.

Winner of best sales pitch.
Q: Sell yourself in a sentence
A: One male, caramel in colour, 1983 model, body in good condition, super-charged, genuine interior, dent on rear, runs smooth, always garaged, very reliable, reluctant sale.

Bachelor #3: Owen Wright, age 20. Surfer. Really boring.
Bachelor #4: Felix Forest, age 24. Runs clothing labels Bondi Shorts, and Felix Forest.
Winner of wankiest arty photo.


Bachelor #5: Rob Farnham, age 28. Musician, singer songwriter for band 'Lanstrum'. John Farnham's son.
Bachelor #6: Andy Clemmensen, age 21. Bassist, singer, for band 'Short Stack'.
Winner of the 'Hottest apparent douche' award.


Bachelor #7: John Steffensen, age 27. Athlete.
Bachelor #8: Greg Bishop, age 30. Firefighter and lifeguard.
Bachelor #9: Andrew Lees, age 24. Actor, 'The Pacific'.

Joint winners of the 'Haven't we seen you you here before?' award:
Bachelor #10: James Kerley, age 28. Radio and T.V host.
Bachelor #11: Tom Waterhouse, age 27. Bookmaker.
Bachelor #12: James Tobin, age 30. T.V presenter and reporter.

Winner of the 'Wait, what do you do?' award:
Bachelor #13: Jarod Green, age 28. Owner of 'The Handsomity institute' and scriptwriter. Turns out he writes 'Beached az'.

Bachelor #14: Benjamin Silvester, age 28. Entrepreneur.
Q: Best cure for a hangover?
A: ZICO Pure Coconut Water.
Clearly, someone looks after that brand...

Bachelor #15: Ross Wallman, age 23. Radio announcer in Perth.
A shout out to Nan:
Q: Where do you hope to be in 5 years time?
A: It doesn’t matter where I am, as long I’m with the people I love, doing something I enjoy. However, I would need to live close to my Nan who helps me with my ironing.

Bachelor #16: Dan Trotter, age 34. Co-owner and and co-host of T.V. show '2 Dans fishing'.
Bachelor #17: Karl Schlothauer, age 28. Owner of the Pocket Bar in Sydney.
Bachelor #18: Angus Gruzman, age 27. DJ and record company owner.
Bachelor #19: Mitch Langerak, age 21. Footballer for Melbourne Victory FC.
Bachelor #20: Didier Cohen, age 24. 'Actor' (Can't find in what) and ambassador (or 'model') for Industrie clothing. Rumoured at one point to have turned Ruby Rose.
Bachelor #21: Jordan Nguyen, age 25. PhD student.

Bachelor #22: Dave Dawes, age 26. Physiotherapist and Golf marketer.
He's a keeper ladies...
Q: Any secret talents?
A: Pathologically fast eater, plus I can get a condom on my head.

Bachelor #23: Todd Finlay, age 27. Personal trainer and model.
Bachelor #24: Jonathan Field, age 27. Graphic designer and model.
Awwww... Weird.
Q: If you could be any woman for a day, who would you be?
A: Not quite a woman, but my three-year-old niece. She lives in this world of fire-breathing dragons, princesses, fairies, bear hunts and magic!

Bachelor #25: Tom Steinfort, age 25. Reporter for channel 9.
Winner of the 'Smarmy photo award'.


Bachelor #26: Mark Vass, age 23. Sugar cane farmer and Full Noise Music Festival organiser.
Bachelor #27: Rob Mills, age 28. Surprisingly talented performer.
Bachelor #28: Matthew McDonell, age 27. Project manager at MTV.
Bachelor #29: Blake Headland, age 26. Fabric wholesaler.
Bachelor #30: Craig Silvey, age 27. Author, 'Jasper Jones'.
Q: Most romantic thing you’ve ever done?
A: It’s quite amazing actually. I booked an impulsive flight to Venice. We glided on a gondola, had wine and cheese, were serenaded by a Latvian cellist and after dinner, we took a romantic stroll along the canals. Best Mother’s Day ever.

Q: Worst dating experience?
A: See above.

Bachelor #31: Samuel Clark, age 22. Actor, 'Neighbours'.
Bachelor #32: Luke Burgess, age 33. Chef and food photographer.
Bachelor #33: Cameron McKensie-McHarg, age 29. Rower and financial advisor.
Bachelor #34: Daniel Garofali, age 23. Model and dancer.
Bachelor #35: Richard Ramsden, age 31. Private equity associate.
Winner of the 'Don Draper sartorial splendour' award.


Bachelor #36: Adriano Zumbo, age 28. Patissier.
Bachelor #37: Royce Akers, age 31. Musician in band 'Hot little hands', editor at Vice magazine.
Bachelor #38: Luke Mitchell, age 24. Actor on 'Home and Away'.
Bachelor #39: Dave Rennick, age 27. Musician in band 'Dappled Cities' and graphic designer.
Bachelor #40: Ashley Ting, age 31. Landscape designer.
Bachelor #41: Michael Osbourne, age 27. AFL player for the Hawthorn Hawks.
Bachelor #42: Kyle Linahan, age 24. Presenter for channel [V], musician.
Bachelor #43: Francis Coady, age 33. Director of the Bondi Short Film Festival.
Bachelor #44: Rama McCabe, age 27. Designer.
Bachelor #45: Aaron Edwards, age 26. AFL player for North Melbourne.
Bachelor #46: George Houvardas, age 28. Actor, 'Packed to the Rafters'.
Bachelor #47: Luke Cheadle, age 23. Surfer and model.

Winner of the 'We didn't ask for your resume' award:
Bachelor #48: Phillipe Sung, age 30. Actor and former investment banker.

Bachelor #49: Jimmy Bawden, age 29. Builder.
Bachelor #50: Jesse Martin, age 28. Sailor and filmmaker.

Tell me if you vote for anyone!

My name IS Superted!

So I added a friend to Facebook this week. While looking at what groups Dan was a member of I found a group called 'Super Ted, the Forgotten Hero.'
Super Ted was a children's cartoon made in Wales in the '80's. Here is the intro:


I was absolutely obsessed with the show when I was 2-4 years old. To the point where I became utterly convinced my name was 'Superted Bert Hayes'.

My Grandad had a screwdriver rigged up to a flashlight and said it was a lie detector. He asked me what my name was and I said 'Superted Bert Hayes' and he made the light flash. I ran out of the room crying "Your machine is broken! My name IS Superted Bert Hayes!!" It's been a family story told at all reunions, weddings and funerals since.

Around the same time I had an imaginary 12 ft purple horse named 'Sickul'. I even took it to a wedding when I was 3. He had to sit outside.
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Tonight, Rage is programmed by comedian Tim Minchin. Tim's brilliant song 'Peace Anthem for Palestine' is not featured but I figured I'd post it here. Song starts at about 40 seconds.

Eurovision!

Here is my Eurovision blog. I wrote it as it happened, so everything is in chronological order.

1st up is Lithuania. A skinny guy in a suit and fedora. $10 says he has Backstreet Boys albums. That vibrato is just so 'Brian'. Hey wow, he's holding fire in his hand.
2nd is Israel. The first of the non-European Eurovision contestants. One of these girls looks like Paul Capsis, the cabaret singer. That's disturbing. "There must be another way" will be in my head come the end of the night.
(Correction, it's the end of the night and it's not. In fact, I can't remember how it goes.)

3rd is France. Way too much class in this entry to win. Apparently she's very popular in Eastern Europe, smart way to win votes sending someone who is popular in most of the voting countries.
4th is Sweden with a song in French and English. Oh dear, it's Popera. She's appalling. Worse at singing normally than in opera. Sounds like a drag queen. This won't be the first time for that tonight. Her facial expressions are priceless. She's very, very scary.

5th is Croatia. Oh good, models and a wind machine. What is with his boots? They ruin his outfit. Oh god, I like this. What is wrong with me?
6th is Portugal. Their set looks like a teletubby threw up. Their percussionist scares me.
Oooohh, Julia is talking to the Marlene Dietrich like French woman. I want her jacket. She's also bought her dog to the interview. That's just bloody awesome.

Iceland's entry is 18 years old and brought out her 1st album at 7. Oh look, a dolphin. This song would so chart here and she looks a little like Taylor Swift.
What is Joh Bailey doing at Eurovision? Oh wait, it's Greece. Oh god, we should all be ashamed. 2 Aussies wrote this. This is quintessential Eurovision. Bad tan and a truly awful song.

Armenia. "Sister, here we go!" Twins! Lasers! Belly Dancing! Costumes! Great!
Russia's entry looks like a sci-fi film. She's aging on the giant screens. Why has Russia entered a horror film?

Azerbaijan. What is a girl like her doing with a guy like him? And why is one of her legs gold? Pyrotechnics and contortionists, how very Eurovision.
Bosnia Herzegovina are clearly fans of My Chemical Romance. They supported the Rolling Stones? Oh, the emoting!
Sam and Julia have fabulous shirts. "Terry Wogan isn't doing it this year." and "Yes, we miss him too".

I want to go to Moldova. They seem like fun. Traditional dancers and some guy with a stick and streamers, randomly waving them in the background.
Malta. Wouldn't it be great if the Maltese got Peter Andre to represent them in Eurovision? This is this woman's 3rd go. Variety people!

Estonia's entry seems to be a doll-like model who can play violin. Estonia host a great Eurovision though.
Denmark. Ronan Keating helped write this. The guy sounds exactly like him too. EXACTLY.
The guitarist and Bassist high fived each other in the middle of the song. Awesome. Singer dropped to his knees for an aerial shot- more awesome.

Germany had Dita Von Teese and 2 Aussie dancers. Singer was American. Apparently they got Dita to tone down her striptease after exposing a little too much flesh in rehearsals.
Sorry, I was too busy looking at Turkey's legs to pay attention to the song. Shakira wannabe, but damn...

Albania seem to have their very own Nikki Webster and a blue coloured gimp and 2 dwarf breakdancing mimes. They really are the best kind of mimes...

Norway! They won tonight with a record points haul. I love that he said after he won that he didn't think he had a great voice and that the violin won him the competition.

Ukraine seem to have procured some gay centurions. "Baby, I could save your world, I'm your anti-crisis girl." Ahh, screwed up English, how I love you. Does she have a superhero costume with 'Anti-Crisis Girl' written on it at home? I certainly hope so.

Romania's singer looks like Natalie Bassingthwaite. Song is called "The Balkan Girls".
The U.K. suck as usual. Girl is ok but jesus, the song is just awful. Sounds like an idol winners song. In fact, sounds like Casey Donovan's winners song. Which is funny given Dianne Warren wrote them both. Boring talentless tosser.

We almost got to the end of the night without rapping and then Finland showed up. He looks like Bono crossed with Eminem.
Final act of the night is Spain. Looks like Linda Evangelista. Flat. Flat. Flat.

Hope you all had a wonderful Eurovision! Particularly everyone who went to Scotty's Eurovision party.

Sunday morning.

First sent to Dave as an email...

9.21am. Grandma: "Wake up, Vanessa (my aunt) will be here this morning and you'll need to be dressed." Lift up covers and realise I'm still dressed from yesterday and my jeans are cutting off the circulation to my legs. Go back to sleep.

9.34am. Grandma: "You aren't up yet." Me: "I've only had 8 and a half hours sleep." "Get up, they'll be here soon."

9.36am. Phone rings. Vanessa has cold. Won't be coming today. I go back to sleep.

9.40am. Grandma: "Can you here that bird call? What is it?" Half-awake, I realise I haven't a clue what it is. Stumble out of bed and out the back door. "You got dressed quickly," says Grandma. Cat follows us out. Lies on my feet. Bird calls again. No idea what it is. Now furious with myself, I go to the computer to look up MP3s of honeyeaters. Cat follows me. Lies on my feet.

9.48am. Bird calls again. Sounds like it has the flu... Bird flu! Shut door nearest me and the bird.

9.51am. Realise I have to go to the chemist today. Die a little inside. (They frighten me a little.)

9.54am. Do hair. Grandad remarks I look like a pigeon. I think I look like an oriental hooker. Tell Grandad he looks like a koala. He does. Grandad pretends to eat flower arrangment nearest him. "Mal, stop eating my flowers!" yells Grandma, who storms over grumbling.

10.00am. Decide to procrastinate by checking email. "You have holes in your clothes," says Grandad, "and you've put on weight." I wiggle my (apparently) fat arse at him and he leaves for work.

Clips of this week. (Part 1)

Before I start on video clips, I have to bring an ad to every one's attention. Particularly seeing as I keep busting out to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S2tyjeXkE4

I am trying to get through more video clips. Here is part 1 of this week. Tell me if you know any of them. Even if all you want to do is shout at me for my taste in music.

The Offspring were on 2 Saturday's ago. Rage had a wild card special. I really like The Offspring. Not any of there 'Pretty Fly' era but before that was great. Song on this night was 'Gone Away' but a few weeks ago someone played 'The kids aren't alright' and I had it in my head for the whole week.

CSS programmed this week. I came in a little late.

The Number of the Beast by Iron Maiden has come on. I remember in 2002 System of a Down programmed and the bass player, Shavo, did the whole beginning bit to camera. It was very well done. More guys should be able to do that on request. That, and the spoken part of 'Thriller'.

Shakira's 'Wherever, Whenever' -possibly my favourite pop song of the last 20 years. Oh yeah, and she's really hot in this clip... I too, have small breasts no-one could confuse with mountains.

Beyonce's 'Crazy in Love'. Another hot lady with fantastic dancing and an awesome pop song. One of the dancers in this clip is now in the Pussycat Dolls.

The Donnas. A band I just can't get into. Same as the Sahara Hotnights, who were on earlier.

Hole 'Doll parts'. Haters can go to hell. Courtney Love is a goddess, particularly in the 90's. Brodie Dalle from The Distillers thinks so too.

The Kills... 1st mention of this band without the words 'Kate Moss' being said in months.

Sonic Youth... Yeah CSS, couldn't see that one coming.

The Cramps 'Naked girl falling down the stairs' A song I can't place. Perhaps it was in a few 90's movies.

Tilly and the wall. Cool that they have a tap dancer as a percussionist but I couldn't get into them either.

Elastica 'Connection'. Everyone knows the hook in this song, even if they don't realise it.

Bronski Beat remind me of Bros... No idea why.

The Cure 'lullaby'. Hurrah for Robert Smith's appallingly applied make-up. Does his wife wear makeup in the same fashion? CSS possibly 1st band in years to play 'Lullaby' and not 'Close to me' or 'Lovecats'.

CSS now segue from talking about the song 'Ladyfingers" to how disgusting the word 'Fishfingers' are

Kim Wilde's 'Kids in America' awesome...

'Wicked game' Helena Christensen's underwear in this is very unsexy.. Looks vaguely nappyish. How is Chris Isaak still single? Presumably his choice...

K.D. Lang 'Constant Craving'. Good song, but I like 'Summer fling' more.

Transmission now resumed.

Hello there strangers!
I hope everyone has had a wonderful Summer. The weather has certainly been erratic. As I write this it is a chilly 13 degrees. The reason I haven't written in a while is weather related too. Who wants to be sitting in front of a computer when it is over 30 and you are sleepy and hot?

Regular blogging will resume this week. In the meantime here are 12 observations and happenings from the past few weeks. Even if I don't know you very well, don't be afraid to leave a comment!

1. The Oscars were actually bearable this year, and I don't even find Hugh Jackman the least bit attractive.
2. I don't usually pay any attention to the attire of celebrities but this year's Oscar dresses on the whole were very boring. I do however want Angelina Jolie's emerald jewelry. No to Brad Pitt hanging around with them though. Gosh! Two of the sexiest men alive and I don't think they are hot...
   
3. Follow up observation: One could argue I'm not a woman but an android.
4. My year-long hiatus of listening to Triple J is over. Enjoying it again for the most part.
   
5. My friend Jess actually saw the multiple Razzie winning 'I know who killed me' starring Lindsay Lohan. Sometimes I worry for the sanity of my friends.
6. In other news, I figured out that I saw 2 movies in the last year at the cinema. 'Speed Racer' and 'Twilight'. On second thoughts, disregard number 5 on this list.
7. Thanks to 'Spicks and Specks' on the ABC I now know what the words to 'Ca Plane Pour Moi' mean. The song now makes LESS sense.
8. My friend Roslyn Mertin used to sing the words to 'Ca Plane Pour Moi' as 'Smack my bum hard'. This, while embarrassing, still makes more sense than the original.
9. I went to Impact Comics for the first time since they moved out of Impact Records a few years back. Do you think they would mind if I moved in?
   
10. I've become utterly obsessed about xkcd comics. Here is a link to one of my favourites. www.xkcd.com/290/
    
11. I saw my first Brown Snake of the season- 5 months after I would normally spot my first. More evidence of the erratic weather patterns this past year.
12. I finally got around to seeing 'The Devil Wears Prada' and it was a lot better than I was expecting. B+

What the hell is up with Eli Stone?

Over the Summer, Channel Seven/Prime is showing Eli Stone twice a week.

I've been looking forward to seeing Eli Stone since it started airing in America. I've had a policy of not downloading shows because I can't stand watching things with poor sound and picture quality. So finally I got my chance.

For those who haven't watched it, Eli Stone is about a lawyer who starts to see visions. He is diagnosed with an inoperable brain aneurysm, but begins to believe he may be a prophet and that his visions are leading him to lead a more ethical life. Instead of taking on the cases of big, morally bankrupt companies, Eli starts taking cases of more deserving regular people. Much like the characters of Boston Legal.

Jonny Lee Miller, who plays Eli Stone is a really charismatic actor who has been in Aeon Flux and Trainspotting. The supporting cast are just as great with Natasha Henstridge and Victor Garber from Alias. But there is a problem with the show, and it's the fault of the writers and the researchers.

Dialogue isn't the problem. The actual lines the actors speak are just as good as any other show on television. When it comes to the cases however, it could be argued that Eli takes the type of cases that clog up American courtrooms unnecessarily with frivolous lawsuits. Of course, Boston Legal do this too, but their cases tend to show that there are two sides to every story and no-one is ever absolutely right. Eli Stone's cases do no such thing.

Take the 1st episode for example. In it, Eli Stone represents a mother and her child in a lawsuit against the manufacturers of a Mumps, Measles, Rubella (MMR) vaccine which the mother says gave her child autism. This very debate has been raging, particularly in America, for the past few years. Celebrities have been getting involved too, with Jenny McCarthy and her boyfriend Jim Carrey leading calls to stop vaccinating children until alternatives can be developed.

Trouble is, the argument that vaccination causes autism has been widely disproved by the scientific community. See: http://health.howstuffworks.com/vaccines-autism.htm
In the episode, the family was given many millions of dollars. Which would no doubt help the family get the best help for the autistic child, but autism is a health condition we do not yet know the cause of. It is a growing, yet so far blameless, problem.

This week on Eli Stone there was a far greater cock-up in the morality department.
Eli re-tried a case he had won 5 years previously. It was a case against a SUV company who made a car that rolled. The passenger had swerved to avoid a "metal thing" and his SUV had rolled. The man ended up in a wheelchair. The police who attended the scene couldn't find anything that the driver may have swerved to miss.

Oh yeah, the guy was also drunk.

Eli ended up settling the case because of a technicality. The drunk driver got millions of dollars. Within the series, this was considered a win for morals. The message seemed to be that if you get in an accident which is your own fault, sue the company. Because driving a car isn't meant to be dangerous.

What utter bollocks.

RAGE! (kinda pt.2)

This week in my quest to rid my house of old Rage Tapes I found 2 Grunge Documentaries. One was directed or put together by Thurston Moore from Sonic Youth. The other was just a Doco about Nirvana made up of mostly archival footage. My Aunt had taped them off Channel V for me. This was a few years before Channel V was mostly repeats of 'My Super sweet 16'.

After the grunge docos were a few strange film clips which brought back memories of exactly how bad commercial pop can be.


There was a song by a singer called Rhianna, except it wasn't the one that is around now. She was much, much worse. I won't post a link to the song because I would rather forget it exists.

This was followed by an ad for a 'new' Sprite variety which long since died. Nacho Pop, one of the choreographers from 'So you think you can dance Australia' was in it. He wasn't dancing, just doing the money shot of someone drinking the mouthwash looking Sprite.



The best clip from this tape was also the worst. It was appalling. It really, really was.
Watch at least the first 15 seconds. It gives you a good indication of how bad it gets. Oh yeah, they are Australian too. Shame on us. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUKPowfmbOA

After all this crap (the docos were boring as hell.) I was praying that there would be a reprieve from the mediocrity. Thank god for Slash.

Programming Rage one time while out here with Velvet Revolver, he programmed 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash (which has been played most weeks since Cash died) and then Weezer's 'Hash pipe' which he played because he knows Buckethead! (which will mean absolutely nothing to people who aren't Weezer fans but very important to people who are.)
Slash also chose 'Doll Parts' by Hole, and 'Window Licker' by Aphex Twin. I may have mentioned this before, but every band who programs Rage puts an Aphex Twin song. Usually 'Come to Daddy' or 'Window Licker'. They truly are clips everyone should see once though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Az_7U0-cK0 -Come to Daddy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1P3Wc-37pC4&feature=related -Window Licker.

Slash closed the night by playing Sublime's song 'Date Rape' which stars Ron Jeremy, who comes in toward the end. Pardon the pun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtb73qp0mmc

If anyone wants to see Twilight when it comes out, contact me through Facebook. :)

RAGE! (pt.1)

We've been moving furniture at our house.
Exciting isn't it? Well, obviously not. We rent our house and whenever our lease is up and it comes to signing another my Grandad becomes convinced we are on the verge of being homeless and turns into Mr. Sheen.
It's awful. The man doesn't clean anything usually and then all of a sudden he is the one man who truly understands the 'Bam' range of products.
He even vacuumed the vacuum with his mini-vacuum!

One day a couple of weeks ago we had to move one of our sideboards to facilitate "proper carpet cleaning." This was a disaster on many levels, and led to me attempting to introduce my Grandma to the phrase "Epic Fail".
One of the reasons for the failure was mine and my Mum's fault. Over the years we had acquired so many videotapes of 'Rage' that the whole sideboard had sunk into the carpet due to the weight of all the videos we have. The carpet now has 4 holes in it right through to the concrete and you can blame the ABC.

All of this is a very long explanation as to why I have spent the last week and a half watching countless hours of Rage. There were other tapes too. A copy of 'the three amigos' possibly as old as myself turned up, as did the original Star Wars trilogy each from their first runs on television. There was even a tape labelled "Queen Mum's funeral" but sadly (or not, depending on your point of view) that had been taped over.

I took notes while watching the 1st Rage tape I found. Here they are below...

1st Rage tape is a Friday night Rage. Late 2002 or early 2003.

• First song is a Good Charlotte song 'Boys and Girls'. Features Grandads dressed in skate clothes and Grandmas dancing. Also the line "Girls don't like boys girls like cars and money" Weren't 2 of these guys dating Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie?
• 'Diamonds and Guns' by the Transplants comes on. I love this song but it shits me that it's used in a shampoo ad. It's about heroin for fucks sake! Damn Travis is a good drummer though.
• 'The Red' by Chevelle comes on. Courtney Green and I used to listen to Rolling Stone radio online religiously around this time and this song got flogged to death. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onqa6aRHDC4
• 'St. Anger' by Metallica. There was so much vitriol about this album and I haven't heard a peep either way on their new album 'Death Magnetic'. I love this clip. It's filmed in San Quentin jail and the beginning of the clip with the diatribe about possible hostage situations is excellent. There's also a guy at the end waving his prosthetic leg around. There's something you don't see in every film clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zbuk96kW9LM
• 'Minerva' by the Deftones. Yet another song flogged on RS radio. Courtney and I used to say this would be a good song to have sex to. We were 13 or 14 at the time. Chino's voice is definitely heavenly but I can't say for sure our immature theory was correct.
• Some boring songs play followed by Thicke's 'When I get you alone'. I remember liking this song but then I caught a glimpse of him on Oprah, of all places. In common Internet terms, he came off as a douchebag.
• Another song with old people dancing. 'Think Twice' by Ralph Meyers. I'm sensing a theme to the video clips from this year.
• This one I'm only mentioning for John Watson. 'Make Luv' by Room 5 and Oliver Cheatham has Jo from the Bill Starring in it! Man I love P.C. Masters... I can't find this particular clip online though.
• GAY BAR! (Electric Six)
• 'Low' by the Foo Fighters. One of these days I have to count how many Foo Fighters clips Dave Grohl cross-dresses in. It's also a little demoralising that Jack Black may well look better in a pink mini-skirt than me...
• Finch's 'What it is to burn' is on, followed by 'Girl's not Grey' by AFI. Thereby completing the list of 'Songs Courtney and I were obsessed with in years 8 and 9.'...........
• ..... Speaking of school, In year 10 Tom Mitchell, Tim Mitchell, Lech Horbacki and I went to see the Channel V bus while it was in Canberra. 28 days were the headliners with Mandy Kane also playing. Mandy Kane have a keytar. Mandy Kane listened to too much Adam Ant growing up. Mandy Kane are awful. Mandy Kane are on my damn TV with 'Stab'.
• The final songs are 'United States of Whatever' by Liam Lynch, 'I am' by Will.I.Am, and the u-metal back to back of Stain'd (Price to Play) and P.O.D (Sleeping Awake from the Matrix soundtrack.)

This tape got thrown out after I watched it. If I find any other weird Rages I'll post about them here. If you've ever found a really old tape with something odd on it please write in the comments section.

Twilight

I like Vampires. I really do.

Big budget vampire movies tend to have a low-strike rate for quality. Van Helsing and Underworld come to mind as being considered particularly bad. It's never really mattered to me though. I'll watch the worst of the worst and probably enjoy it. There is no other genre that I have such a high- tolerance for. I know I'm not the only one. Both of the aforementioned films were not complete flops. Underworld even spawned an appalling sequel.

In December, the High School Musical of vampire movies will be released. "Twilight."

There are 4 books in the Twilight series so far. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I've read the first two. They aren't exactly high literature, but they do move along. Sometimes however, you can see major plot developments a whole novel before they actually happen.

Casting movies that are based on novels can be fraught with danger. If you get it wrong, even the most popular characters can be rendered flat, whiny or just goddamn annoying.

Twilight has 2 main characters. Bella Swan, played by Kristen Stewart, is human. She falls in love with a vampire named Edward Cullen, played by Robert Pattinson. Kristen Stewart is an actress who has been in "Into the Wild" and "Panic Room" while Robert Pattinson is a British actor who played Cedric Diggory in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire".

The supporting cast has a couple of really good casting decisions too, including Rachelle LeFevre as Victoria, a bad vampire. She played Jerry Espenson's hooker girlfriend in the last season of Boston Legal. The supporting parts of Emmett and Alice are well cast as well, with 2 unknowns playing those roles.

So far, so good. Unfortunately, 2 casting decisions stand out as being particularly awful.

The main bad guy is played by Cam Gigandet from "Never back down". He makes a good bad guy but he looks completely ridiculous in the wig he is forced to wear for this. Hopefully the special effects will make him look menacing, not like an extra from Blackadder crossed with the lead singer of Kings of Leon.

The worst casting decision has the potential to ruin the 2nd movie (and there is very likely to be one), and possibly the rest of the series.

Jacob Black is written as a foil to Edward Cullen. Every novel and movie needs a love triangle and Jacob completes the love triangle in the Twilight series. Jacob Black is a Native American who lives on a reservation with his father. He needs to be tall, 6ft or more. Good looking enough to at least be a chance when compared to Edward Cullen by screaming teenage girls. Oh yeah, and he needs to look at least a little like a Native American.

So who do they hire for this very important part? This guy:

His name is Taylor Lautner and you might know him from "Shark Boy and LavaGirl in 3-D" No? Cheaper by the Dozen 2? No?

So can he carry a film that doesn't suck? After all, when they make the sequel to Twilight, "New Moon" he will be the lead male for most of the film acting alongside Kirsten Stewart. I hope for the sake of this new series of vampire movies that he is good. After all, there are many of us which would like a vampire movie made every year.

Voting is good. You get a Sausage Sandwich afterwards.

Hello there.

Apologies for the spacing of last weeks blog. I'm having some issues with the HTML. Why, oh why didn't I take I.T. in school?!

Anyway, this week it is awards time.
Bugger the ARIAs though, I've made my own.



The Election Advertising Awards

Celebrating Anti-Excellence in Election Advertising.



The "Flaming Mongrel" award goes to...
Val Jeffery, Community Alliance Party, Brindabella.

Val Jeffery runs the Tharwa General Store. He accuses anyone who comes into his store and is under 40 of theft. Mr. Jeffery could best be described as a yobbo. Or perhaps, given that he sounds like Alf from Home and Away, he could be described as a drongo instead.
In his T.V. advertisement, he says that the Stanhope Government is "a flaming disgrace".
Being approachable in an election campaign is a good strategy for any politician. However, looking as if you have dressed in a jumper older than some of your constituents, happened upon a studio and camera crew, and then decided to rant is perhaps not the best way to go about wooing voters.

The Crooked neck award goes to...
Richard Mulcahy, Canberra Party, Molonglo.

Richard Mulcahy used to be in the Liberal Party, but defected after the last election. His T.V. ads are nothing too special but for one thing; His head is held on his neck at an angle which makes it look as if he has misplaced the left side of his face. It's very distracting, and I'm not sure I could tell anyone what any of his policies are.

The annoying, arrogant, hand gesture award goes to...
Helen Cross, Independent, Molonglo.

Helen Cross had one of the most catchy lines of past elections. "Don't put a tick, don't put a cross, put a 1 next to Helen Cross." However, in her ad this campaign she waved her hand around when talking about how she was a "proven do-er" blah blah blah. It could just be me but it seemed arrogant. Even as I write this I realise how petty this sounds... Ah well.
*waves hand around*

The Give up already award goes to...
Burl Doble, Canberra Motorists Party, Brindabella.
Runner-Up: Steve Doszpot, Liberal Party, Brindabella.

The Motorist party ads were truly awful this campaign. They had toilet humour. One thing political parties don't usually want you to associate with them is toilets or anything that goes into them. It has nothing to do with their ads but this is Burl Doble's 3rd try at being elected as a MLA. Once as an Independent, once as a One Nation candidate and now with the Motorist party.
Another person trying to get elected after failing multiple times before is Steve Doszpot of the Liberals in Brindabella. At least he has only been a candidate of one party in his many tilts.

The Bad Idea award goes to...
Amanda Bresnan, Greens, Brindabella.

Unfortunately in her ad for the Greens Amanda Bresnan looks stoned. Someone should have given her some caffeine. Way to play the cliche of your party, dudes.

The insufferable cleverness award goes to...
Norvan Vogt, Community Alliance, Molonglo.

Vogt is pronounced "vote" so unsurprisingly Norvan Vogt worked this into his ads this election campaign. He seemed to think this was very clever. Using a good last name to your advantage, isn't clever, you are just lucky your name makes your ad memorable. He should just be glad that his surname isn't something more unfortunate.

The "Poet" and "Very Punny" awards go to...
The Liberal Party.

The Liberal party clearly had fun coming up with individual promotion lines for it's candidates this year. Here is a selection of them:

"Jac Lives Here" ~ Jacqui Myers
"A better fella for Brindabella" ~ David Morgan
"Vote for me, I'm Giulia with a 'G'" ~ Giulia Jones
"Doszpot for topspot" ~ Steve Doszpot
"Standing Tall for Gininderra" ~ Andrea Tokaji (who is very tall)
"Clinton, from the White House" ~Clinton White
"Zed Instead" ~ Zed Seselja.

Good Luck figuring out who to vote for Canberrans. If Steve Pratt gets in I may need an alcoholic beverage for once. But that is for another week.

Lessons Learnt.

This week, a new semi-regular column is making it's first appearance here at Cuckoo HQ. Introducing...

Things Video Hits taught me this week.

(Creepy and Disturbing Edition)

1. Jesse McCartney has a new song. This would usually be bland, not disturbing. Unfortunately, Jesse McCartney seems to wish to prove to everyone that he has grown up since Summerland. He co-wrote "Bleeding Love", the Leona Lewis song, and now he wants everyone to know he is a 'man'. He says he is a man several times in his new song "Leavin'".

He still looks 13 though, inexperienced and innocent, and you feel perverted watching the clip. It is almost like spying on younger neighbours. Still here is the clip for your pervy enjoyment: http://www.youtube.com/user/jessemccartney?ob=4

2. Lady Gaga's song "Just Dance" is the delightful ubiquitous song about getting so drunk you can't remember where you are. The break down towards the end of the song sounds like a dirtier outtake from Gwen Stefani's "Hollerback Girl". Also in that part of the clip is a few shots of her straddling a plastic dolphin in a kiddy pool. That's not hot, it's creepy!

The breakdown comes in at about 3.25 and the dolphin at 3.00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M65zI9LH-as

3. Taylor Swift is the girlfriend of one of the Jonas Brothers. She's a country singer.

Now, forgive me if I'm wrong, but if you watch the clip:

http://www.youtube.com/user/taylorswift?ob=1

And read the lyrics:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/love-story-lyrics-taylor-swift.html

It sounds as if the two characters in her Romeo and Juliet story have been having pre-marital sex. (Which we know Joe Jonas won't do. Purity ring and all) So her Daddy (and the song does say Daddy, numerous times) gets seriously annoyed at young Romeo and tells him to "Leave Juliet alone". Eventually he does, then she gets lonely and lovesick and goes for a walk, runs into him, and he proposes, having got the permission from "Daddy" first.

Not exactly the perfect love story you would want an 18 year old devout Christian to be wishing for. Of course, the other possibility in this song is that Romeo and Juliet are good Christian Soldiers and Daddy is a creepy, spying, murderous psychopath who thinks too much of his daughter's purity.

The more I think about it, the 2nd option seems to be it. Particularly with the paranoid lyrics about wanting to "get away" and "out of town". Poor Romeo and Juliet...

Apart from watching too many music videos I had a birthday this week. And no, I'm not saying this so people have to say "Happy Birthday" to me! I was 20, so I now have no excuse for irregular sleeping patterns, Goddamn it! I got some clothes, a gift voucher, a tapestry and something I'm yet to receive from a friend.

I think I have fixed the comments here at Cuckoo HQ (which I'm only saying because it's really fun to say out loud) so if you have tried to post, please post again. If there are still problems hit me on Facebook.

Mixed Bag

I wasn't sure what to write about this week.

I was going to write about the upcoming A.C.T. election but decided it was too depressing.

Movies? Haven't watched any.

T.V? Doctor Who ended on a cliffhanger and finishes this week for a whole year and a half while David Tennant plays Hamlet in the theatre. That is almost as depressing as politics.

The Emmys were on. Most of the night was dire. Josh Groban's take on iconic theme songs was suprisingly funny. My favourite part is Animal from the muppets being beamed up during the
X-Files theme. http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=u7xD59eAnUc

90210 is causing random people to throw biscuits and other high-fat baked goods at the actresses. Much has been made of their weight and it will be interesting now that the show has been picked up for a whole season what the producers, and indeed the actors, do about it.

I could talk about music. Trouble is, I've listened to exactly one song all week. Metro Station's "Shake it" I'm slightly obsessed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9ioJ_i8P3k

Books? This week I read Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I don't read a lot of fiction, and the last book about vampires I read was Anne Rice's "Interview with a Vampire" which I hated.
Twilight has more in common with a romance novel than anything else. It's very simple to read and moves along well. It's as far as you can get from high-art or literature, but would make a good airport novel for a (slightly younger) teenage girl. The film will come out later this season.

So, I'm off to watch more T.V. If anyone has a song they think I should listen to that isn't by Metro Station, please send me the name of it! Also, if anyone has read the sequel to Twilight, I'd love to know what you thought about it.

Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll

I've been thinking alot about songs that have gotten away with being played on mainstream radio without being censored. I've been looking particularly at songs with explicit drug references. "Golden Brown" by the Stranglers is one. It's about heroin.

Even Pink has managed to get a reference to morphine into one of her singles. In the same song, "Just like a pill" the word "bitch" is erased. This is a little odd, given that Meredith Brooks' song "Bitch" was never censored. If the difference between the two songs is the intent of the word, the reason is a little weak. I'm quite sure worse things have appeared on commercial radio. Any reference to ho's comes to mind...

Of course, some artists don't have a hope in hell of getting a drug reference past the censors. Snoop Dogg for example can say "When the pimps in the crib ma" but can't say "and I roll the best weed 'cos I got it going on". Perhaps it's a little blatant, but you get the feeling he couldn't get away with euphimisms either.

There is one song from the 90's that was ubiquitous, catchy, played at every school disco, and in hindsight is just as blatant as Snoop is. There is a difference though, this song is a 4 minute hook-laden song about a "Class A" drug. (or 2 or 3)

"Semi-Charmed Life" by Third-Eye Blind.

Alot of people are aware that this song is about crystal meth. But the truly astounding fact about this song is that not one word was ever censored for airplay.

Let's deconstruct it. The first verse:
I'm packed and I'm holding
I'm smiling, she's living, she's golden, she lives for me
says she lives for me, Ovation, her own motivation,
she comes round and she goes down on me.

Okay, so in those four lines we have that he's packed and holding a crack pipe. We also have a reference to Ovation, which is a drug company that makes a methamphetamine pill, and finally a reference to receiving oral sex, possibly in return for a hit. The next lines of note are:

And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse,
Chop another line like a coda with a curse

So they have given up on the pipe and are snorting it (or coke) instead. It continues:

The sky was gold, it was Rose
I was taking sips of it through my nose
and I wish I could get back there, some place back there
Smiling in the pictures you would take,
Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break.

I originally mis-heard the last line as about Mescaline. Clearly not! Rose is good quality meth.

I won't stop, I won't come down I keep stock,
With a tick-tock rhythm I bumped for the drop,
and then I bumped up
I took the hit that I was given, then I bumped again
Then I bumped again

The singer doesn't want to come down off his high so he bumps. Bumping is when you take a little to maintain a high, but not enough to OD.
Quite alot of the next verse is about the sex you can have for hours on Meth. Then this verse, that was often cut out of the radio edit for length, kicks in:

And when the plane came in, she said she was crashing
The velvet rips in this city
And we tripped on the urge to feel alive,
And now I'm struggling to survive

The end of the song makes it clear that it's a co-dependant relationship based completely off the drugs they are taking. This song was out quite a while before the "Ice epidemic" was in full swing in the media. Perhaps if it was to come out now, in an arguably more conservative time and with the general population knowing more about Crystal Meth and addiction it would be censored. I would like to think not, but suspect it would be.

So, does anyone else have any songs about drugs that have escaped the censors? Comment away!

Welcome!

Hello and welcome to my new blog!

I have blogged on Bebo before but I got bored with it and stopped. To head off all the calls of how much everyone hates Bebo, I know it is made primarily for illiterate Britons. Hence, ending blogging there.

As with my last blog comments and debates, and indeed insults, are encouraged. Making a return appearance are the very short DVD and movie reviews I take way too much pleasure in doing.

I blog because I hate speaking on the phone. It drives me mad. Blogging gives my friends and family a chance to find out what is going on in my head whenever is convenient to them, without having to speak to me. Talk about an added bonus!

Please check back when you have nothing better to do, Bertie.