Twilight

I like Vampires. I really do.

Big budget vampire movies tend to have a low-strike rate for quality. Van Helsing and Underworld come to mind as being considered particularly bad. It's never really mattered to me though. I'll watch the worst of the worst and probably enjoy it. There is no other genre that I have such a high- tolerance for. I know I'm not the only one. Both of the aforementioned films were not complete flops. Underworld even spawned an appalling sequel.

In December, the High School Musical of vampire movies will be released. "Twilight."

There are 4 books in the Twilight series so far. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I've read the first two. They aren't exactly high literature, but they do move along. Sometimes however, you can see major plot developments a whole novel before they actually happen.

Casting movies that are based on novels can be fraught with danger. If you get it wrong, even the most popular characters can be rendered flat, whiny or just goddamn annoying.

Twilight has 2 main characters. Bella Swan, played by Kristen Stewart, is human. She falls in love with a vampire named Edward Cullen, played by Robert Pattinson. Kristen Stewart is an actress who has been in "Into the Wild" and "Panic Room" while Robert Pattinson is a British actor who played Cedric Diggory in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire".

The supporting cast has a couple of really good casting decisions too, including Rachelle LeFevre as Victoria, a bad vampire. She played Jerry Espenson's hooker girlfriend in the last season of Boston Legal. The supporting parts of Emmett and Alice are well cast as well, with 2 unknowns playing those roles.

So far, so good. Unfortunately, 2 casting decisions stand out as being particularly awful.

The main bad guy is played by Cam Gigandet from "Never back down". He makes a good bad guy but he looks completely ridiculous in the wig he is forced to wear for this. Hopefully the special effects will make him look menacing, not like an extra from Blackadder crossed with the lead singer of Kings of Leon.

The worst casting decision has the potential to ruin the 2nd movie (and there is very likely to be one), and possibly the rest of the series.

Jacob Black is written as a foil to Edward Cullen. Every novel and movie needs a love triangle and Jacob completes the love triangle in the Twilight series. Jacob Black is a Native American who lives on a reservation with his father. He needs to be tall, 6ft or more. Good looking enough to at least be a chance when compared to Edward Cullen by screaming teenage girls. Oh yeah, and he needs to look at least a little like a Native American.

So who do they hire for this very important part? This guy:

His name is Taylor Lautner and you might know him from "Shark Boy and LavaGirl in 3-D" No? Cheaper by the Dozen 2? No?

So can he carry a film that doesn't suck? After all, when they make the sequel to Twilight, "New Moon" he will be the lead male for most of the film acting alongside Kirsten Stewart. I hope for the sake of this new series of vampire movies that he is good. After all, there are many of us which would like a vampire movie made every year.

Voting is good. You get a Sausage Sandwich afterwards.

Hello there.

Apologies for the spacing of last weeks blog. I'm having some issues with the HTML. Why, oh why didn't I take I.T. in school?!

Anyway, this week it is awards time.
Bugger the ARIAs though, I've made my own.



The Election Advertising Awards

Celebrating Anti-Excellence in Election Advertising.



The "Flaming Mongrel" award goes to...
Val Jeffery, Community Alliance Party, Brindabella.

Val Jeffery runs the Tharwa General Store. He accuses anyone who comes into his store and is under 40 of theft. Mr. Jeffery could best be described as a yobbo. Or perhaps, given that he sounds like Alf from Home and Away, he could be described as a drongo instead.
In his T.V. advertisement, he says that the Stanhope Government is "a flaming disgrace".
Being approachable in an election campaign is a good strategy for any politician. However, looking as if you have dressed in a jumper older than some of your constituents, happened upon a studio and camera crew, and then decided to rant is perhaps not the best way to go about wooing voters.

The Crooked neck award goes to...
Richard Mulcahy, Canberra Party, Molonglo.

Richard Mulcahy used to be in the Liberal Party, but defected after the last election. His T.V. ads are nothing too special but for one thing; His head is held on his neck at an angle which makes it look as if he has misplaced the left side of his face. It's very distracting, and I'm not sure I could tell anyone what any of his policies are.

The annoying, arrogant, hand gesture award goes to...
Helen Cross, Independent, Molonglo.

Helen Cross had one of the most catchy lines of past elections. "Don't put a tick, don't put a cross, put a 1 next to Helen Cross." However, in her ad this campaign she waved her hand around when talking about how she was a "proven do-er" blah blah blah. It could just be me but it seemed arrogant. Even as I write this I realise how petty this sounds... Ah well.
*waves hand around*

The Give up already award goes to...
Burl Doble, Canberra Motorists Party, Brindabella.
Runner-Up: Steve Doszpot, Liberal Party, Brindabella.

The Motorist party ads were truly awful this campaign. They had toilet humour. One thing political parties don't usually want you to associate with them is toilets or anything that goes into them. It has nothing to do with their ads but this is Burl Doble's 3rd try at being elected as a MLA. Once as an Independent, once as a One Nation candidate and now with the Motorist party.
Another person trying to get elected after failing multiple times before is Steve Doszpot of the Liberals in Brindabella. At least he has only been a candidate of one party in his many tilts.

The Bad Idea award goes to...
Amanda Bresnan, Greens, Brindabella.

Unfortunately in her ad for the Greens Amanda Bresnan looks stoned. Someone should have given her some caffeine. Way to play the cliche of your party, dudes.

The insufferable cleverness award goes to...
Norvan Vogt, Community Alliance, Molonglo.

Vogt is pronounced "vote" so unsurprisingly Norvan Vogt worked this into his ads this election campaign. He seemed to think this was very clever. Using a good last name to your advantage, isn't clever, you are just lucky your name makes your ad memorable. He should just be glad that his surname isn't something more unfortunate.

The "Poet" and "Very Punny" awards go to...
The Liberal Party.

The Liberal party clearly had fun coming up with individual promotion lines for it's candidates this year. Here is a selection of them:

"Jac Lives Here" ~ Jacqui Myers
"A better fella for Brindabella" ~ David Morgan
"Vote for me, I'm Giulia with a 'G'" ~ Giulia Jones
"Doszpot for topspot" ~ Steve Doszpot
"Standing Tall for Gininderra" ~ Andrea Tokaji (who is very tall)
"Clinton, from the White House" ~Clinton White
"Zed Instead" ~ Zed Seselja.

Good Luck figuring out who to vote for Canberrans. If Steve Pratt gets in I may need an alcoholic beverage for once. But that is for another week.

Lessons Learnt.

This week, a new semi-regular column is making it's first appearance here at Cuckoo HQ. Introducing...

Things Video Hits taught me this week.

(Creepy and Disturbing Edition)

1. Jesse McCartney has a new song. This would usually be bland, not disturbing. Unfortunately, Jesse McCartney seems to wish to prove to everyone that he has grown up since Summerland. He co-wrote "Bleeding Love", the Leona Lewis song, and now he wants everyone to know he is a 'man'. He says he is a man several times in his new song "Leavin'".

He still looks 13 though, inexperienced and innocent, and you feel perverted watching the clip. It is almost like spying on younger neighbours. Still here is the clip for your pervy enjoyment: http://www.youtube.com/user/jessemccartney?ob=4

2. Lady Gaga's song "Just Dance" is the delightful ubiquitous song about getting so drunk you can't remember where you are. The break down towards the end of the song sounds like a dirtier outtake from Gwen Stefani's "Hollerback Girl". Also in that part of the clip is a few shots of her straddling a plastic dolphin in a kiddy pool. That's not hot, it's creepy!

The breakdown comes in at about 3.25 and the dolphin at 3.00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M65zI9LH-as

3. Taylor Swift is the girlfriend of one of the Jonas Brothers. She's a country singer.

Now, forgive me if I'm wrong, but if you watch the clip:

http://www.youtube.com/user/taylorswift?ob=1

And read the lyrics:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/love-story-lyrics-taylor-swift.html

It sounds as if the two characters in her Romeo and Juliet story have been having pre-marital sex. (Which we know Joe Jonas won't do. Purity ring and all) So her Daddy (and the song does say Daddy, numerous times) gets seriously annoyed at young Romeo and tells him to "Leave Juliet alone". Eventually he does, then she gets lonely and lovesick and goes for a walk, runs into him, and he proposes, having got the permission from "Daddy" first.

Not exactly the perfect love story you would want an 18 year old devout Christian to be wishing for. Of course, the other possibility in this song is that Romeo and Juliet are good Christian Soldiers and Daddy is a creepy, spying, murderous psychopath who thinks too much of his daughter's purity.

The more I think about it, the 2nd option seems to be it. Particularly with the paranoid lyrics about wanting to "get away" and "out of town". Poor Romeo and Juliet...

Apart from watching too many music videos I had a birthday this week. And no, I'm not saying this so people have to say "Happy Birthday" to me! I was 20, so I now have no excuse for irregular sleeping patterns, Goddamn it! I got some clothes, a gift voucher, a tapestry and something I'm yet to receive from a friend.

I think I have fixed the comments here at Cuckoo HQ (which I'm only saying because it's really fun to say out loud) so if you have tried to post, please post again. If there are still problems hit me on Facebook.